Monthly Archives: November 2014

Vanessa Murphy Breaks out of the Closet

Vanessa Murphy is a forty somethingish lesbian who is searching for a life partner to sip a pina colada with under the apple blossoms. She is assisted in her search, mostly with disastrous consequences, by her friends,especially her seventy year plus neighbour, Peggy Lysaght. the name of the novel is Vanessa Murphy Breaks Out of the Closet and it’s just been completed.

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Helpful Advice – Not!

When I moan about being the only lesbian in County Limerick, Peggy Lysaght, my next door neighbour, purses up her mouth as if she’s the Virgin Mary herself and says ‘Shure, we all have our own cross to carry in this life, Vanessa’ Well, how helpful is that, I ask you? There are times, when I’m really down, that I have to resist the urge to give Peggy one good puck across the kisser, so I do.

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What’s with the Fur Collars?

Well, honestly, shopping for clothes seems to get more difficult every day. Just went to buy a coat  and failed miserably to find one. I mean, all the clothes seemed to have shrunk a size. I tried on numerous coats all sized 12, my size –  and none fitted, as in not even one! Some I couldn’t button, others when I tried to stretch myself,there was an ominous tearing sound from the back so I had to wriggle out of them pretty rapidly while the sales assistant was looking the other way! I mean, could someone tell me why they’re making clothes smaller? Are people getting smaller or something?Could anyone out there enlighten me. And what’s with the fur collars on all jackets? I mean, fur collars, for feck’s sake! I tried two on and I nearly smothered while wearing the first one and couldn’t stop sneezing when I shrugged into the second. Surely life is too short for these shenanigans?

Vanessa

PS: Would you believe when I complained, the sales assistant had the cheek to suggest, after looking at me rather dubiously up and down, that maybe I’d find a size 16 more comfortable? Even the sales assistants aren’t what they used to be.Jeez!! And worse, I still haven’t got the fecking coat!

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