Bees in Peggy’s Bonnet.

If there’s one thing that gets Peggy on her high horse immediately, it’s mobile phones. Oh, she thinks that they’re a great invention and all that but says give people a mobile phone and most of them forget any few manners they’ve ever learned.  Pig ignorant, she says they are. Honestly, the way the woman goes on you’d swear that the sole aim of inventing the mobile was to torture Peggy Lysaght of the parish of Sugar Hill.

She’s tormented from the bleddy things, she says, on buses and trains. And she should know, herself and Lourda are always off somewhere on a bus or train– easy for them, mind you, because of the free travel. She says it’s well-nigh impossible to enjoy a peaceful journey on a bus or train anymore because of them fecking mobiles. What kind of half-wit she wants to know, has the urge to tell every fecking thing in their miserable little lives to the whole bus. Like, telling whoever they’re speaking to that they’re on the bus now and it’s passing Peter‘s Plaice and going on to Sheares Street and they’ll see them in a minute.. I mean, she asks, who gives, like, a dam about all this useless information? And the minute the bus slows to a stop, the wan with the phone begins to wave frantically to her friend which nearly puts the eye out of the woman beside her while her friend is waving madly to her and they each telling the other on the bleddy phones what is obvious to a blind man which is that they’ve, actually like, arrived.

She also hates it when she’s in conversation with someone and the mobile rings and they break off the conversation to answer it. Bridie did that once and Peggy ate the head off her for a good ten minutes while poor Bridie was trying to get a word in edgeways to tell her that her mother had fallen and broken her hip. It didn’t matter in the slightest about Bridie’s poor mother – there’s no exception to Peggy’s good manners rule.

She says she’s been beside mothers with children who ring home telling the husband to put down the dinner and giving them a step by step guide to same. She’s sat beside a bawling girl whose boyfriend had just rang her on the bus to tell her that he was breaking up with her. She’s sat opposite a teenager who just got a new phone and was clearly ringing everyone he knew to try the dammed thing out and to a woman ringing some Fianna fail TD about getting a medical card. All on the bus!!  She says that the Japanese have the right attitude to them blinking mobile phones because they frown severely on anyone using them in a public place. Who, on the bus wants to know your business, for feck’s sake?

Recently, she’s gathered another bee for her bonnet –  electronic cigarettes. She wants to know do people realise just how ridiculous they look – like babies sucking on a fecking dummy and they should be bleddy well ashamed of themselves. They’re everywhere, she says and between the electronic cigarettes and the mobile phones, her life is one fecking misery.

Honestly, I sometimes think the word exaggeration was invented just for Peggy!!!



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