No one bakes currant bread as good as my late mother, let’s get that fact established immediately. Of course, she had one great advantage over other bakers I’ve encountered through the years – you see, my mother actually believed in using currants when baking currant bread. So when I’d bite into a hot slice of currant cake, I’d bite into a mouthful of delicious, succulent actual currants or sultanas as well as bread. So there we have another fact – currants or sultanas need to be actually used in the making of currant bread. Simple, right! Well, you might think so, seeing that it’s not exactly rocket science. But you’d be wrong because it’s not really, no!
In the last number of years, I’ve bought bread advertised as ‘currant bread’ and when I’ve eagerly unwrapped the loaf and cut it, my eyes have focused on a few bewildered and miserable looking currants spread over vast empty areas of dough. In fact, you could run a competition giving a prize to the person who spots the most number of currants. You know, a bit like Spot the Ball competitions in the newspapers years ago?
No matter whether it’s bakery mass produced bread or crafted in restaurants, the result is the same. Hopeless – an absolute dearth of actual currants in the cake! My blood pressure is not in the better of it, I can tell you. You see, it’s very simple – if I want bread with no currants or a few scattered strategically around to give an impression of currant bread, I’ll simply buy non currant bread. But and listen very carefully while I say this, when I buy currant bread, I want it to be awash with currants with no dough visible at all. I do not want a hybrid currant cake or an ambivalent square of bread,that can’t make up its mind what the feck it is. Do I make myself clear?
To be honest, even though I didn’t inherit my mother’s prowess at baking, I think there might be nothing for it but to take up baking myself.Because that seems to be the only bloody way as far as I can see I’ll ever sink my teeth into a slice of succulent cake simply saturated with lovely juicy currants . Sheer bliss. My mouth is simply watering at the thought.
PS: I was only saying this to Peggy earlier and says it’s all the fault of the EU with their codology about health and safety. She says there was none of this bleddy nonsense in her day. Nowadays, the bureaucrats are so terrified someone will choke on a currant and sue them for millions that they’ll only shake out a few at a time on a full cake of bread. Either that or else, the blasted bureaucrats want to maximise profit over culinary perfection by using one bag of currants to bake a dozen so-called currant cakes whereas in my mother’s day, she, rightly, used the whole bag of currants in the one cake.
By God, Peggy says, whatever we were in her time, a nation of wimps and spineless craven, skin-flinted cowards we most certainly were not. By God, we were not then!