Peggy’s Day in the Sun

Peggy can’t stand St. Patrick’s Day. Well, that’s what she always says anyway. She complains about the amount of paddy-whackery that passes for national customs and traditions and claims it’s only ridiculous. People vomiting and fighting and throwing broken bottles into private gardens! Wearing green clothes like overgrown leprechauns, pulling green pints and having famous buildings all over the world draped in green is wan right nonsense, according to her. ‘Making a show of ourselves on the world stage’ as she’s fond of saying.

Still, that didn’t stop her from participating in the parade below in the village though, herself and the Senior Citizens Club that she somehow managed to rope in. In fact, however she might give out about the day now that it’s over for another year, on the day itself, she had a fine auld time for herself dressed up as Countess Markievicz on top of Connie Thady Bill’s cattle trailer.

There she was with a rifle and uniform and the wide brimmed hat. Honestly! I had to close my eyes as I saw her waving the gun around for fear the thing was loaded. You simply cannot take anything for granted with Peggy. In fact, I’d say, ‘twouldn’t knock much of a shake out of her if she shot someone – she’s all for realism and authenticity when enacting these pageants. The rest of the group were all dressed up as well but Peggy, of course, being so big headed just had to be the countess. Lourda Kennefick had a right sour pus on her afterwards, she said that no one else got a look in and if anyone had to play Markievitcz, it should be her, Lourda, on account of her bearing a striking similarity to the woman. I ask you – Lourda Kennefick looking like Markievicz! I often wonder to myself what planet that woman lives on?

The trailer was full of females because Peggy wouldn’t allow any of the men to take part. She said that they had their moment of glory in 1916 and that was enough for them. If the women were airbrushed out of history for the last ninety years, she declared, it was only right that the males all got a dose of the same medicine during the centenary so she right go wrong refused to allow them play any part at all. I often think Peggy should have lived in the age of dictatorships, she’d have felt right at home. It doesn’t seem at all odd to me that she should have such a huge regard for the men and women of 1916 who declared the republic by force of arms. Honestly, the woman is so blood-thirsty, it’s downright unhealthy, dangerous even.

I have to admit though that the trailer of ‘The Women of 1916’ was very dramatic. It put all the other floats in the shade. There was Peggy dolled up in her uniform that she got inside in some theatrical shop in Limerick waving her rifle and pistol at the crowd and uttering blood curdling yells and shouting Up the Republic. When she wasn’t aiming the gun and shooting Lourda who was dressed up in a British uniform, she was reading from the proclamation with no regard whatsoever for historical fact. To be honest, it was really a one woman show, the rest of the cast were only there to make Peggy look good. I felt sorry for them, even Lourda, that’s how bad it was because Peggy shot her every few minutes and just as Lourda got up on her feet, Peggy would go bang, bang and shoot her again. That way Lourda spent most of the parade lying on the flat of her back inside in the trailer and the majority of the spectators had no idea who she was. It definitely was the Peggy Lysaght show, no question.

There was no doubt but that ‘The Women of 1916’ would win first prize for the best float of the parade. I did think though that Connie Thady Bill could have given a bit of a hosing down to the cow dung plastered all over the sides of the trailer. ‘Twas nearly the same colour as Peggy’s Citizen Army uniform. I haven’t much time for his story that shure, as it was green, didn’t it fit in grand with this year’s theme of patriotism and that of course, otherwise he would have power hosed the shite off . He’s wan idle fecker, is Connie Thade, like all his family before him. Still, that in no way put Peggy off standing up at the front of the viewing platform and singing ‘A Nation Once Again’. Imagine, singing and the same woman hasn’t a note in her head, worse, the whole trailer was covered in cowshite and everyone staring!

My God, the embarrassment of it.

Vanessa

PS: I mean, ‘A Nation Once Again’. Ah jeez!

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